Snickerdoodles, puzzle-ing and canine escapism
And another month passes between blogs, and things have gone from “perhaps I won’t go back to Warwick for term 3” to “perhaps I won’t go back to Warwick before Christmas…” Who know what will happen in the next few months? Some things have now become certain: that I will not have speaking exams for Spanish or Italian this year; that all my language writing exams will be open book, which means I can use wordreference; all my exams will be over by 1st June, if not before, and, I am getting way too comfortable in my quarantine routine. Is it just me, or is time going so much quicker now that every day is the same. damn. thing.
As for this summer, it seems unlikely that I will be heading to Moscow, however, given that I am actually yet to receive a confirmation of this, I suppose it is important to remain positive. But the idea of spending 4 months at home doing nothing kind of terrifies me, even if I could probably do with a break. I just feel that there is so much pressure on the summer before final year, where it is your last opportunity to discover the all important answers to questions like “what do I want to do with my life post-university?” I still don’t really know, and I know it is quite naive to think one internship could change this, sometimes it is nice to have something to blame your existential dread on. Personally, I am terrified of final year, and all the stress and decisions it will inevitably bring, and I guess I was counting on this summer to get it all together. Equally, I guess everyone my age is in the same boat, and that is comforting.
Moody Wilbur capturing all the sad-feels
In the meantime, I think we are long past the mindset of “I am so sick of corona, I wish we were still talking about Brexit.” I recognise that, thanks to how privileged my life has been so far, this is the first time something so monumental is impacting me, and given that we are still so in the dark over how significant this disease can become, not to mention the knock-on socioeconomic effects, to say it is terrifying is an understatement… As a self-confessed panicker and control freak, feeling so helpless is so nerve-wrecking; and then you hear of someone losing a family member, and it all seems so trivial. But those initial nerves don’t just disappear.
I don’t really know what to say in this blog; I personally have not been functioning as normal. I usually focus myself on work when life gets difficult, as a way to distract myself and also because I find the satisfaction of a good day’s work as a real boost to my mind. However, in light of Warwick being really kind with our exams, finding the motivation has sometimes been a struggle. I recognise this is such first-world problems, wah wah my department is being too kind to me with my exams, and now I am not pressured to work. But also, when the fear associated with exams is taken away, I am the type of person to find something new to worry about. Moreover, if life were normal, I would already be back in Warwick for term 3, knee-deep in deadlines and preparing exam timetables. Currently, my biggest decision every day is which pair of pyjamas to wear today.
A life motto
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still studying and I have essays and coursework due in soon which is keeping me occupied. But the emptiness which has come about due to the lack of terms, normal exams and living at Warwick has been quite the void.
I won’t lie, whilst I haven’t fully jumped on the trends of TikTok and sourdough, I have been keeping busy otherwise with all the baking and crafts to get me through each week. For instance, what’s a rainy afternoon for if not for an excuse to make…
Snickerdoodles! As a slave to sugar-cinnamon (the best topping on pancakes, I don’t make the rules) these are a little piece of heaven
…. or perhaps a whole day spent aching on the floor trying to complete this masterpiece….
5 hours and 4 hands, a job well done!
And don’t worry, I have an order coming in with white clothing to tie-dye, so I can fully embrace this unexpected “gap” summer heading my way.
So, like everyone, I am finding my individual ways to keep busy. Even if I have a knee injury, meaning my state-approved daily run has become an occasional dog-walk. Having a dog is possibly the best addition to my house in lockdown; anyone who has spent 5 minutes with me will know that I am the biggest fan of dogs, and Wilbur has certainly helped to alleviate some of the lockdown worries and stresses, even if I spend way too much time just looking at him, because he’s soooo cute.
I’ll probably leave this here, before I go off on another tangent about the magnificence of Wilbur’s eyebrows (which are certainly impressive) or something else. I’m not going to tell you to keep busy or keep calm and carry on as that is painfully patronising. I guess we must all just keep doing whatever it is we are doing in order to get through this, even if it is just eating a fifth snickerdoodle of the day…