Relationships: Valentine’s Special
I’m sure something on many of your minds when coming along to uni. is relationships. Maybe you’ve been in one for a while and you’re about to have a crack at long distance or perhaps you’re excited to break free from all the boring people at home and meet someone new. Whatever your situation is, it’s important to do what is best for you and not to feel pressured to follow the crowd. So, without further ado, I bring to you Relationships: Valentine’s Special!
Ooh la la, you have a crush and they like you back! Well that is the best scenario and I’m very happy for you if this is you! If this isn’t, I’ll discuss that in a moment.
So, yay, you’re both staring deep into each other’s eyes and that spark is there where you can’t bear to be more than 2 feet apart. But then all the uncertainties come in: how do I tell them they’re my first kiss? That I’m a virgin? That I believe in abstinence? That every night at 10pm I have to eat 3 crème eggs, or I’ll be grumpy for the next week? Listen to me. If they like YOU, none of this will matter. They’ll be patient and understand no matter what reservations you have. But of course, it works both ways. You have to be equally lovely about their worries and insecurities. Trust is vital in a relationship (I believe loyalty to be number one, but this is personal to everybody) so if you’re going out with someone, you should feel able to tell them whatever’s on your mind. If not, what are you really doing with them? A new relationship is mega exciting, but you must be careful to not become sucked in. Studies come first, but don’t forget about your friends too! They’ll notice any changes in mood caused by your SO and although your opinion is the only one which counts, perhaps listen to your friends if they say you spend 90% of the time complaining about your SO. Lastly, don’t let them pressure you into anything. EVER. I know it must be very difficult in the actual situation but be savage, say no and make sure, above everything else, they respect you. They won’t cheat if their feelings for you are true, and they won’t pressure if it’s you they’re after and not your body. Keep all these things in mind but relish this new relationship. You never know, they could be The One!
So, your crush has crushed your heart? I’m sorry to hear that but that’s really down to the chemistry in their brain so it’s nothing to do with you, I wouldn’t fret. A couple of pointers though: don’t be obsessive, don’t be rude and take it in your stride. If you show you’re not that torn up, it could work out to be a turn on and they’ll come running. Then you can say ‘soz, it’s a no from me’ because you deserve better than someone who’s just rejected you and is a yo-yo, running back now that you’re playing hard to get. Move on my love, they’re not the one so someone even better is out there. What’s the rush? By the way, I suggest trying to avoid contact with this person until you’re over them, to help with the healing process. Spend a bit of time doing things you enjoy, whether that’s playing Fortnite, painting your nails or dusting your room. I sincerely hope things go better for you next time.
Welcome to uni., where every second person acts as though they’ve never seen a mildly attractive person before. With this new rush of adrenaline, it’s only understandable that they’re trying it on with everyone! The modern FWB relationship is a useful way to get your kicks without being tied down in a relationship. The time we live in normalises casual night-time visits so hurrah for the rise of FWB but there are plenty of things which can go wrong, and trust me, they do. Most importantly, make sure you ALWAYS use protection. This applies to everyone (unless you’re trying for a baby), but this is particularly important in this situation because who knows where they’ve been and what they get up to on nights you’re not available. Moreover, it’s important to set ground rules and what kind of relationship you share. Are you truly friends and will still hang out during the day? Are you simply using one another and you’ll both part your ways immediately afterwards? Perhaps they’re only sleeping with you but can still do other things with other people? Whatever the case, it’s important to determine what’s going on before anyone gets hurt. That leads me onto my next point: someone will get hurt. Trust me, 99% of the time this happens. If you don’t believe me, read the articles yourself. It might start as a great idea but over time someone will develop feelings and it’ll become messy. Either you remove yourself from the situation (yes) or ask them out – but be warned, they’ll probably decline because they’ve been having it easy up until now and why would they want to change that? Finally, it’s sad but in the case of men and women, men are usually seen as being ‘lads’ when they have a FWB sitch set up, whereas the lady is normally labelled a bit of a slag. This is usually however by other blokes rather than her girlfriends but either way, there’s still that stigma. So overall, you have to weigh up the pros and cons. I’d advise against it but if you’re planning to go for it anyway, be careful – in all respects of the word, please.
I won’t lie, this is very difficult, but I wish you the best of luck. If you can get through uni. apart, you can probably get through anything. My friend has been with her man for 4 years now and she’s over at Leeds whereas he’s in Dublin. That’s different COUNTRIES! So, from looking at her, I’d advise this.
1. Try to FaceTime each other as often as possible. This doesn’t mean spend three hours each day babbling about what you learnt (unless that’s your vibe), but just a bit of time to see each other’s faces would be nice. Obviously keep up the messages when you can too!
2. The first week apart is the worst. This doesn’t change whether it’s your first time apart or your hundredth, it’s rubbish. I even feel it when my BF visits his parents for a week! It’s hard but I promise it’ll get easier as time goes on. Power through!
3. You are still in a relationship. None of this ‘ending things because of uni.’ nonsense. I don’t understand that? If you like someone enough, surely you’ll still want to try to make things work despite it getting tricky? Otherwise why were you even with them in the first place??? But that’s not my point. What I mean is, your actions still affect your SO. Cheating is not allowed under ANY circumstances. If you’re feeling ‘lonely’, pick up the phone and give them a call. Or heck, buy a ticket to go and pay them a visit. But don’t forget you’re still in a relationship. That means if it’s inconvenient for you to go and visit them because they have a test next week, take that into account and respect their wishes. After all, it must be very difficult to say no to your SO coming over!
This isn’t really a relationship and I’ve already covered this in my Uni. Pressures blog (https://our.warwick.ac.uk/uni-pressures/) but I thought I’d just mention it here. If abstinence is your jam, go for it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. That’s all.