I Regret Nothing
I wrote this a few months back, right before the pandemic but I thought I’d share it here.
I was supposed to be doing my dissertation, but on my vision board it says that ideas are gifts from God, write them down and act upon them! So that is what I am going to do.
Today marks the final swimming session with my triathlon coaches.I was an aquathlete since I was in secondary, then in KTJ (my A-Level college), they had a mini triathlon race so I decided to give it a go. After all, I’ve always loved a challenge. I love swimming and (used to) love running, so why not start cycling? I want to be good at what I do, and I want to be remembered as someone amazing. Sometimes it can be a toxic trait, but sometimes it gives me the drive to do what I want to do.
The scar on my hand from falling off the bike in my first triathlon race is still here. I remember bleeding so much, I wanted to pass out. I remember just wanting to finish the race because I wanted to prove to myself that by completing this race, this would mean that I am a triathlete. That I can cycle, that I am no longer that kid who had to run to keep up with my friends who cycle.
But believe me when I say, joining the triathlon club itself is daunting. Bruv, the amount of times I decided to pack up and backed out last minute is atrocious. I started going to the spinning session first, and the guy leading the session was super friendly, so I asked him about the swimming. He said, it will be okay especially since I am not a beginner. I couldn’t really attend the Thursday swimming session because it clashes with my Malaysian Night rehearsal. Here’s a few moments I managed to capture after my first swimming session with the triathlon club, thank God for Instagram archives.
In second year, I realised that Malaysian Night took a lot of my time. While I genuinely love acting and performing in musicals and I support MNight with all my heart, I also wanted to do other things that I also love doing, such as swimming and dancing. I remember venting out my frustration because I was a slow swimmer, and wanted to give up. I’m always a “number four” during our training session. To be honest, I still am a number four, but I shifted my mindset to something better. I try to align my intention positively, which is that I train for my mental health. I dance because I want to be happy, I swim because it makes me feel more productive and I genuinely feel unstoppable after a swim!
Hence, since today is my last swim with them, I tried to go all out. My coaches are Tony and Julie. Tony usually coaches the more advanced people, and Julie helps out with beginners to improve on their swimming technique. Last year, I was always in Tony’s lane for some reason even though I always try to convince Julie to teach me, and I always end up so so tired afterwards. This year, since I bruised my ribs, I lost my stamina so I am in Julie’s lane. Today, they decided to merge both lanes so I was doing Tony’s set, boy, was that an intense swim! We did some warm up, followed by a 8×125 (Swimming for 5 laps of but 8 times), and I pushed myself, and the girl beside me said, “You’re a machine!” I think she spoke to soon because afterwards we had to do a 20×50 (2 laps, and get out of the pool, then do this for 20 times) to train for open water swimming. I genuinely died because I haven’t done Tony’s set for so long, but I did mention to them that this will be my last swim. So after the session, we talked about my future plans and encouraged me to keep swimming. I managed to take one last photo with them, and another finalist in the triathlon club. Also, I love this photo because I look cute here hahahah #selflove.
I will genuinely miss them. Although I get frustrated with myself, and sometimes I really ask myself why do I keep coming for more, but it really is worth it in the end. It really is funny how years ago, I really was in a bad place, so much that when my mom took me to the pool near my place to get me out of my mental health situation, I couldn’t even swim. But now, I love attending these sessions regularly.
While this post sounds like this is the end, but it really is not, it’s just the beginning! I look forward to go back, possibly do an Ironman, insyaAllah, participate in more sprint triathlons, join the local triathlon club and do more! The people in the triathlon community are also super supportive, because gosh, it takes GUTS to even join a multisport club. And I like these people, they are my tribe.
Also, this may genuinely be my last swim for a while because the COVID-19 cases are spiking in the UK as we speak. Stay safe people! I used to look back and think of the things I regret not doing in the past, but this time, I regret nothing. I embrace the bad decisions I made in the past, and I am now happy with the current decisions I am making, because I really do, regret nothing.