Coping with Solitude
A personal blog post this month. Perhaps by writing this down, I hope to reassure others, as well as myself, that we are never truly alone. As a prelude, let me just say that Nightline is always available to those who seek comfort in talking to others. Additionally, feel free to message me if any of my words resonate with you.
I don’t know whether it’s the time of the year, as the trees light up in a flame of burning orange and reds, or whether it is the days getting significantly shorter and the nights longer. I don’t know whether it’s the deadlines that loom increasingly closer to home, the time ticking down reminding me that procrastination is just a word I use to mask the hard truth: avoidance. But there is definitely something out there that has impacted my cycles and I feel low in both energy and positivity.
I’ve come to grasp at anything that brings me happiness: chocolate, mind-numbing series, people in my life that showed me kindness. I thought that I was looking after myself. Perhaps not with the junk food and Netflix, but more with the human contact. I thought that I should perhaps tell my truth and bring peace to myself by reaching out to certain people; ex-lovers, ex-friends, apologising and asking for forgiveness. I believed that it would rest my weary soul, lift my spirits a little, take the burden off just for a short while. What I got instead was a slap in the face. Messages ridden with hate and anger, laced with poison that I so easily swallowed as if it were medicine to cure my soul. It worsened me, and I returned to my rut.
When I am out and about, in lectures and seminars, I am present. I can focus on the task at hand, and I get the job done. It is when I am alone, walking at 3PM to the library where I will sit alone and silent for 5 hours.. that’s when I feel it. I try and distract myself, but one word returns to mind: avoidance. Ah, there it is. I’m avoiding confronting my solitude, acknowledging its presence in my life and dealing with the problem at its very core. But how do I do that?
I’m not saying that I’m out of it. I’m not saying that I have a magic spell to wish the darkness away. But what I’d like to give is a comforting message to all of those who are in the same situation as me. With drained energies, your vibrations are lower than usual, and you are unable to do the things that you used to. Whether this is going to the gym, cooking for yourself, giving yourself the self-care that you so rightly deserve. Even the smallest of chores can seem like asking the world of your body, mind and soul. But what you need to remember is this is temporary. For there to be ups, there must be downs, and for you to learn, there must be a learning process. It’s a struggle, for sure, but for you to be here today shows that you are a survivor, and you can survive this battle too. Stay strong.