A taste of adulthood
Dear Past Self,
Congratulations, you have just graduated! I am (and will forever be) proud of your achievement.
I know you’re anxious about the next chapter of your life. Believe me, I am too. After all, I’m only 3 months forward. Can you believe that I will be starting work so soon? Oh God, I can already envision my colleagues catching me dancing while doing work. I can never take myself so seriously. How can others?
Adulthood, huh? If I could beg for something, I would like to ask someone to take it away from me. Please, I do not want it. You’d think that because you are a planner, and you’ve read so many books on others going through adulthood, you think you can expect what’s coming next.
No, you can’t.
In fact, what’s going to hit you is not what you expect at all. But that’s life, right? You can never come in prepared. Life throws you spears and swords, and they expect you to gear up to go to war.
Adulthood is more than just setting up a good career, or a side hustle. It’s the unexpected twists and turns, and others counting on you to play your part. All these while, your burden is lifted, “oh, she’s just a child.” You are excused of the role and no one expects you to do anything.
But as you get older, people will look at you when there’s a challenge. Even when they don’t tell you what to do, it is automatic, “yes, now’s the time to play your role.”
You will come to terms that everyone is human, and while you can strive to be good, and that you endorse being the best version of yourself and all that glam, you can also be a villain, if you don’t play your cards right.
Sometimes, you are a villain, without you knowing it, but if someone points this out to you, don’t be disheartened, and instead, try to buck up.
Sometimes, you are the protagonist, but when an opportunist observes you and knows your capabilities, they might try to use you. Look back to the time when you were perceived as a villain, perhaps you didn’t know. So you have to set your boundaries, swallow the hardest pill and talk it out. It is better for them too.
Adulthood makes you notice things. The world may think you’re young so you know nothing, but you do observe. You notice the cracks behind the decorated walls, so much that you’d have to create your own facade too, to protect those you love. As much as you want to scream, you can’t, because it is not your story to tell, and how they treat their scars is none of your control.
You may also notice that the problem that you’ve tried so hard to overcome has decided to resurface as new problems trigger your past problems. It is your job to be aware of this and understand what you can do about it.
But despite the twists and turns, you will find that there are people you can cling on. There are people whom, upon seeing them, you can run to them and cry into their arms. There are those you can confide in. There are those who immediately ring you when they notice how you scratch the scab off your wounds.
Despite how much you punish yourself, you will learn to feel the pain, and hope that one day you can learn to finally forgive yourself.
You are loved so so much, past self. Enjoy your happiness while it lasts, and prepare for what is to come, because life is just going to be full of ups and downs. But I know you will pull through in the end, you always do.